As a teen and young adult I was told that strong women are rather unpopular with young men—a view expressed within a highly heteronormative sexual discourse of course. I have by others been defined as 'a strong woman' since before I was legally a woman. I am still unsure whether the comments I received were affirmative or of the more raised finger/warning kind. What I experienced seemed both to confirm and negate the idea of the scare strong women create in men. I tend to believe that the difference between me and those among my friends who were not defined as 'strong' was rather that I was picky. I wanted to decide for myself, not being gracefully chosen by someone. I'm still like that—these days even in my professional life, refusing to go with what the research funders want me to do, instead doing what I want to do. Freedom is essential to my very constitution as a person it seems.
However… I have lately come to think about 'strong women' in a more critical sense. Maybe because of the upsurge in feminist debates, maybe because of tomorrow's Afghan elections. What is, really, a 'strong woman'? Would I say that my friends mentioned above are not strong? Would I say that the women I have interviewed in my research were not strong, or the women reflected in feminist research over the last decades? No, I would not. They are all, all, very strong individuals, making choices based in experiences and norms. The norm tells us—across the globe—that women who openly express a strong, personal will, refusing to be dictated what to do, say or think are dangerous. To men that is, and other (properly behaving) women. They cannot be controlled, or as my dear brother once defined it; 'tamed' (grinning as he decided that I had been 'tamed' by my husband). What's so interesting about this? Well, guys, male counterparts and dearest friends: you are fooled! No woman I have ever met, or heard about has not been strong. The difference is that some women choose to be open (honest?) about their views, wishes, passions, or have a spirited personality that cannot easily be hidden behind a screen of soft, likeable docility and compliance. In patriarchal societies, that is all the societies we actually know of, women playing the game according to the myth of female amenability are often more successful than those refusing to play according to the rules. But they are no less strong!
The world is populated by strong women. And men. Surviving your early childhood will leave you strong. Some are much more open about it than others. That's the diff!
